Now we find ourselves thinking both about Brody, mostly in positive ways, and this new tiny baby growing inside me. We do not expect this baby to replace any feelings or love we have for Brody, just like he or she would not take that from Addison, but (as others have said) cause our hearts to grow with more love for another little blessing to our lives.
We have not shared this news with Addison yet, as she speaks daily of her little brother in heaven. It is quite possible that God is asking her to warm our hearts and help us focus on the truth with her childlike faith. She talks so honestly about Brody being "up in heaven", but that she would like to play with him or another brother some day. She has been bombarded with Christmas music (since early November, thanks to her mom), and anytime the words talk of angels, Jesus, Heaven, etc, she exclaims, "this song is about Brody!" I am not claiming that my daughter is some super Christian at age 2, but that the simplicity of her thoughts is encouraging and uplifting for both of us:-)
So, I am 14 weeks pregnant and grateful. I actually do not wish anything thus far in our lives away. Life continues to unfold, and God reveals how He works in everything for His good. This does not seem all so clear every day, but most days we continue to feel so thankful that we were given a son that has caused us to become more interested in our eternal home and even eager to get there at times. We also know that the little life that will come into the world in June would not exist if things would have been different with Brody. We feel blessed to have been changed by it all, and pray that God does allow us to be challenged in this life so that we can become all that He wants us to be (and I still have a REALLY long way to go...I guess that means LOTS of challenges....)
Lindsey
Congratulations! What exciting news! I know those emotions you are going through so well, the thoughts running through your mind and the joys, dreams, hopes, and, too, the inevitable worries... maybe not all of them, but many. Keep leaning on God for everything and he will continue to hold you, comfort you and guide you. You hit the nail on the head with still having "lots of challenges" but you are a strong woman, Lindsey. And a woman filled with God's love. :)
ReplyDeleteTegan was the same age as Addison when we lost Ty and here we are nearly 3 years later and he still talks about him openly and often. The innocence of a child is breathtaking and heartwarming. As the Bible mentions many, many times - Jesus has a very special place in his heart for children... and we, as believers, are children of God. To be compared to what Jesus holds so closely says a lot about God's love for us. Sometimes, when it gets really hard for me, I just remind myself that I may be a grown-up, an adult, a mom, but I am also a child of God and must have plain and simple trust that what His plan is for me is the best plan for me.
Just speaking from my heart... may you be continually aware of God's blessings and love for you and your family. Embrace each little joy. :)