It has been over three months since we lost Brody. There have been some very good days, a lot of mediocre ones, and some pretty tough ones. We have learned that no matter where we go or what we do, there is still something deep and difficult fresh in our minds. We have learned that it is better just to talk about it when the feelings are there...being positive all the time does not make things better, but rather causes the anger, anxiety, fear, and sadness to come up in a variety of other ways. We have also learned that being brave and strong does not mean doing this all on our own.
Brody's pictures are up in a very prominent place in our home. I think we will always have them there, where we can look at them and talk about him. He was beautiful and perfect. We talk to Addison about our little Brody in heaven quite a bit. Actually, on Saturday after the walk we had our own little "balloon release" where 15 of us each sent a blue balloon up to Heaven for Brody. Addison liked this idea! We like to believe that he is able to watch us, and listen to us talk about him. We picture him a young boy, able to run and play, and so wishing that we could see it all from his perspective. We are trying.
It has been a long time since either of us have written in this blog. That is mostly because it has been very hard to think about June 12th and how we wish that it would have been so different. We still wish that he would have stayed here with us, and ever since his August due date it has been nearly impossible to go a day without thinking about what we would be doing if he was here. We miss him and are so thankful that he was created. We are grateful that he is our son.
Lindsey & Jason
I'm sorry I couldn't be there this past weekend. It sounded like a great day with some pretty incredible people. I also wanted to thank you again for sharing your hearts so publicly with all of us on this blog. I know I can't even fathom what you've had to go through as a family, but I DO know how powerful your thoughts and prayers have been in creating Brody's legacy in all of our hearts.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
We are all blessed to have you in our lives-
mk
mk
Hi Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteI haven't met you yet but I actually attend MOMS at CPC. I stumbled across your blog from Jen's blog "when love takes you in" as I wanted to read more about her adoption story. I started reading a couple of your posts and remembered someone else had mentioned you at MOMS one morning very recently encouraging me to chat with you about our recent loss. Just 2 weeks ago, my husband and I lost our little boy, Will, at just 16 weeks. I was comforted and touched by your posts and trust in the Lord through all of you have been through. I am hoping to meet you sometime soon, but wanted to at least say hi and introduce myself on here. I am going to continue to read about your beautiful Brody and know we will get to hold our little boys again in Heaven.
Blessings to you guys,
Jacquelyn Senske