Why is the unknown so scary?

My mind has been in a different place the last couple of weeks. When we originally found out about Brody's condition, all I could think about was losing our son. I was sad, hurt that my wife had to go through this, and mad that it happened to us. Now I am flat out scared. It is a scary thing to not completely understand how this situation is going to pan out; to not know how or when Brody will be born. We have to be within 30 minutes of the hospital all summer because at any moment Lindsey could go into labor and Brody could be born.  Lindsey is so excited to meet Brody. She prays that he will be healthy enough to come home. I have felt very guilty about this, however, the thought of bringing Brody home is intimidating. The connection that a mother has with their child is only felt by a father once the child is born. The connection I have with Brody at this time is nothing compared to what Lindsey has experienced. Once Brody is born the connection for me will start, only to have it crushed with the fate of this disorder.  Sometimes it is easier for me to not think about the reality of what we are going to face. The only problem with this is I will not be prepared for the heart wrenching feeling when our son is born. The reason I am so frightened about Brody coming home has everything to do with the fact that he will pass away at our house. I want to make sure I am there for every second of our son's life. I will take off work as much as needed to make sure I am with him. If I did it any differently I know I would have regrets for the rest of my life.  What gives me anxiety is not knowing how long he will be with us. If by the grace of God, Brody is with us for more than two weeks, do I go back to work? I know this sounds terrible, however, providing for Lindsey and Addison is a responsibility that I can't forget about. If/when I start working, what happens if Brody passes away when I am not home? Will I carry this on my shoulders for the rest of my life? To think that Lindsey and Addison are at home with our son who passed away... that feeling alone breaks my heart. Or what happens when we wake up in the morning and find that he has passed away in his crib? These are the thoughts that are consuming my mind. I have no answers to any of them. I pray to God that He provides clarity around this ridiculously hard situation. I pray that He makes the tough questions seem easy when the answers are needed. All I can do is have faith.

Brody
We celebrated Mother's Day today. You have the most incredible Mom in the world. Addison and I made her a card and made sure to include your name. I feel like I need to apologize for not feeling as close to you as your Mom does. It is hard for me as I don't feel your kicks, tumble rolls, and fist pumps your Mom tells me about. I talk to God every day regarding your health. I am not sure if this will change anything, however, it is the only thing I feel that I can do. If I could, I would do anything possible to give you the life you deserve. I love you with all my heart. You make me so proud.
Dad