Today it was cloudy outside.

Dear Brody,

The last several days have been very sunny.  Sometimes I think God provides the sun to remind us that He is everywhere.  Often when it is sunny, I wake up determined to make it a good day, even if everything is not so good.  I have done that this past week.   I have tried so hard to think about everything potentially positive in this difficult situation.  Brody, you have been dancing away in my tummy, reminding me all day long that you are so alive and well right now!  Your dad and I have been talking about you and how every second of your short life will be filled with love...I promise you will be held in our arms for all of it!  I have been looking at the ultrasound pictures, in awe of how perfect and precious you are...you even look like you are praying in one picture:)  Your sister has been talking about which stuffed animals she is going to share with you, even mentioning a few of her favorites, but also suggesting that we "go to store and buy new ones."  And most of all, I have been trying to focus on the TRUTH that you will not have to spend a lifetime looking for Jesus, but rather you will go right from our loving arms into the eternal loving arms of our Savior.  We are so thankful for this, Brody.

But, today it is very cloudy outside.  I am sure that even if it was sunny today, I would still be feeling all of these things.  Brody, I sooooo want you to be with us every day for as long as I live.  I want you to wake me up every 2-3 hours all night long for a whole year, like you sister did.  I want to help you learn to roll over, crawl, eat big kid food, walk and say new words.  I want to take you places and show you things, and I want you to remember the way we love you more than anything else.  I want to teach you about our Heavenly Father, who so perfectly created you, and is always there for you, even when mom and dad are not.  I want you to follow your dad around the house doing silly projects that don't have to get done, they are just fun to do together.  I want you to play, laugh, sing, run, swim, throw, spill things, mess up, get back up, love, learn, and live.  I want you to live, Brody.  I do not want to lose you so soon.  I hope you know how much we already love you.

On this cloudy day, the sun peeking through those clouds reminds us why having you here with us is not what God has in mind for you.  People have been praying for us since we learned about your fatal condition.  Prayers are being answered, Brody, and God is providing us with peace.  We know you will be fine, we know you will be better than fine.  I have not been able to think of anything positive today, but instead I have been focused on what I want.  But I will end the day with this...I have to.  Ultimately what I want is for you to be okay, Brody.  And deep down in my heart, I know you will be just that.  I have no doubt that our God is taking good care of you.

Love, Mom

"...I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
Isaiah 46:4